


Condensed Nightmares

by Voidromeda



Category: Persona 2, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Gen, M/M, Other, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 01:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20381407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidromeda/pseuds/Voidromeda
Summary: Four days from today marks the birthday of famous actor Suou Tatsuya... and the anniversary of his one year disappearance. With no clue as to where he may have gone and why it is that he disappears, everyone is left to speculate and wonder while theatres attempt to make money by running movie marathons of the missing actor on the four days leading up to his birthday.Yet when Jun, Eikichi and Lisa attempt to go and see one of Suou Tatsuya's movies in theatre an unexpected phenomenon happens - one unable to be explained as 'simple human error'.What is Jun to do when the disappearance of the actor appears to be more than it seems?





	Condensed Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic inspired initially by a review of Satoshi Kon's movie, _Paprika_, and later by the _Perfect Blue_ OST, "Nightmare (Kaminari Version)". I was thinking about this fic for a while and was unsure as to whether or not to write it, but I finally decided to do so and to post it. I hope you are able to enjoy this wild ride, whatever it is. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I finished this fic today and went from 3.1K words to roughly 8.8K.
> 
> Thank you to my friend for supporting me while I wrote this, it helped me keep going when I was getting tired.

A sort of irony can be found in a description such as “concrete jungle”, to likening a man-made creation to something born of Mother Earth’s decaying womb, a sort of irony that he cannot dare to claim he knows best how to explain. A concrete jungle – oxymoronic, yet rather unbearably fitting, to call what they make something paradoxical like that.

It fits the description of this, many, every city, after all.

The city is dense, packed with moving bodies that shuffle pass one another; stores with flashy décor and window dressings beckon people over – DVD stores still in business, tiny cramped game shops, brand name clothing stores, restaurants… anything to get people to come in and see it all, buy more than their wallets can handle, and then leave with emptier hearts but full hands.

The city is immeasurably beautiful.

This July is an unbearably hot one – the sun glares down at them all, unobstructed by any pesky clouds, and there are many people wearing sunglasses or hats to try and hide away from the harsh light. Short sleeves and short shorts, airy dresses, loose pants and bright colours to allow one to breathe in the hot, near-humid air… it is a colourful sight, alright, one that is exemplified by the natural, expected grit of a large city. Jun is, perhaps, an odd one out – his sleeves are loose, yet all the way to his elbows, his pants long, and he looks more ready for the gentle, spring air than the humid, summer day. It isn’t like he minds the heat, though his looks may claim otherwise..

He scans over the pages in the magazine he buys from a stand nearby, reading over celebrity news [gossip] and latest scandals, taking in the next top idol, model, actor or actress… there is a pop group that is going to be selling tickets sometime soon, in the next week or so, and he knows that his friend, Lisa, wants to go there. Eikichi too, though he refuses to admit that it is for anything other than ‘studying’ the future competition… despite him not wishing to be a pop singer, or anything along the lines. He can’t help but smile at the thought of Eikichi’s boisterous claims, his voice continuously raising in volume until Lisa smacks him on the back of the head and brings him down to planet Earth again.

A bead of sweat slides down the back of his neck, disappearing underneath the collar of his shirt, and Jun looks up from his magazine and stares out at the crowd around him, hoping to find either of his friends amidst the throng of people. The shade does much to help him cool down but even for someone like him… he has been waiting here for half an hour, far past when they are all meeting, and he isn’t sure how long this magazine can amuse him. He needs to remember to bring a book with him next time, just to avoid such a dull situation like this again.

He looks back down at the magazine, flips through the final few pages, and his hand stops when he comes upon the second to last page, his fingers pinching the corner of the paper.

There, hidden away in a small box in the corner, next to a picture of a confident, stoic red-headed man, is a simple read: _‘young, hotshot actor, Suou Tatsuya, still missing! This year’s twenty-seventh of July will mark his one year disappearance! Will the up-and-coming actor ever be found!?’ _

This isn’t really something to be found in magazines like this, hence why he supposes the editor takes the time to make it as inconspicuous as possible – the image of Suou Tatsuya is small, a bit blurry and hard to really see if not for his iconic clothes, and Jun has to bring the magazine closer to read the box’s text. Amidst all the scandals and gossip, the news of births and new movies, TV shows, this declaration stands out like a sore thumb. He claps the magazine shut, blowing air into his face as he does so, and he neatly tucks it away in his messenger bag.

“JUN!” a loud, familiar voice calls out to him just as he clasps his bag shut, head turning to catch sight of Lisa dragging a fumbling Eikichi by the elbow. Sweat beads around her forehead, drags down the sides of her face, and messes up her hair as she sprints up to him and rudely shoves people aside to try and get to him. He turns to face her completely, his smile ever-present and he backs up a little to avoid Lisa crashing into him. “Oh, my God, I am so sorry for – it’s this idiot’s fault!” she yanks Eikichi forward and then lets go of his elbow, causing him to fall into Jun who manages to catch him.

He pushes himself away from Jun and immediately dusts himself off, his face contorting into that expression of anger he has whenever Lisa and him have their moments, and he whirls around to face her with his fists up. “Aw, c’mon Ginko! You’re the one who got the meetin’ time wrong ‘til you checked your phone! Howzzat my fault, huh!? Ain’t me who can’t remember basic shit!”

“Oh, you, you!!! You’re the one who had to take for_EVER _trying to get his shitty makeup done! I don’t even take that long, and I’mma girl! D’ya see the problem here?! I’mma GIRL! You ain’t, you poser!”

“You…”

“Um,” Jun says, his voice breaking through the haze immediately and both Lisa and Eikichi completely freeze as he makes himself known again, “the ad-rolls are probably still going on, look.” he points over at the cinema board with all the time stamps, and Eikichi and Lisa both make a soft ‘oh’ of understanding. “We should be able to watch the movie in time, if you both _hurry along_, that is.” they both flinch from the tone of his voice, having the grace to at the very least look put-off and ashamed that they make him wait for so long, and Jun’s smile just grows. “Come now, we don’t want to be late any further, do we?”

Lisa clears her throat. Eikichi wipes off more imaginary dust, his expression quick to cool down when Lisa still looks embarrassed, and Jun swiftly turns away from them and heads inside the cool, air-conditioned cinema theatre. He heads over to the food counter to request for some tissues to wipe some of the errant sweat beads away then he is left to wait as Lisa and Eikichi shove other each other to buy popcorn. They chat loudly and excitedly, their voices carrying on over the rest of the crowd, and Jun smiles as he pats the back of his neck with the tissue.

From here, they almost look like a couple – a boyfriend and girlfriend coming to watch the movie together, Jun but a bystander who watches them punch at and laugh with one another. Aesthetically, they are perfect as well – Lisa is more down to Earth with her styles, pretty but not showy, natural colours complement her subtle makeup. Eikichi is boisterous and loud, using bold, unearthly colours to doll himself up – big bright blue hair and blue lips, and eyeliner thicker and more visible than Lisa’s.

Yes, they slot together rather well but they – unsurprisingly – have no interest in one another. Lisa is far busier grieving and mourning over an actor gone missing and Eikichi has a girlfriend already – a short, rotund woman who has been his high school sweetheart who Jun sadly knows nothing about. His own fault, he will admit this readily.

It will take a few minutes, not long, and Jun doesn’t mind that they will probably head into the movie when the introduction is ongoing. It gives him time to think. He looks over and up to his right, taking in the sign of the cinema that points out showings, dates and times, and he stares at one movie in particular. In a few days, as the magazine states, it will be the one-year anniversary of Suou Tatsuya’s abrupt disappearance. He is young – a few years university graduate age actually, though no one knows whether or not he attends one, no longer attends one, never has, or if he is a young, early graduate.

He shines bright on the screen, active and fit, yet nowhere near as broad and as muscular as one will expect. He is a man with a lithe body and a boyish, youthful and round face complemented by sparkling hazel eyes and a reddish-brown hair colour that leans heavily towards red. There is debate, for a while, over whether or not it is natural until Tatsuya’s mother steps up to speak on his behalf and she shares the same hair colour as him. His voice is deep and soothing, passionate when it needs to be and shaking with emotions during the scenes that ask for them; he hears that the actor is reckless as well, preferring to do his own stunts unless someone else forces him not to.

There are many reports of how Suou Tatsuya nearly dies because of his stunts, though manages to avoid fatal injury by a hair’s breadth every single time. His heart aches every time he reads news of how close he is to losing his favourite actor. Yet it is best not to linger on that, especially not when a particular day is closing in on them all.

In exactly four days, it will mark his birthday and his one year disappearance. Some theatres are taking this as an opportunity to do a marathon in the actor’s name, hoping to cheer others up by showing the many movies he leaves behind as memoirs of himself where the actual one will remain forever unfinished while they make money doing so. That is why they are here – they are going to watch one of Jun’s favourites today, then later on Lisa’s, and then Eikichi’s.

“Yo, Jun! We got popcorn, and we got’cha some M&Ms!” Eikichi calls out, pulling him away from his thoughts, and Jun nods absent-mindedly. “C’mon man! We’re gonna miss out on the movie at this rate!”

Jun tears his eyes from the sign, stares up and over Eikichi’s head, glances over to Lisa, then meets back with the former’s gaze. He smiles, says, “let’s go.” and trails after them both as Lisa leads the way and Eikichi lags behind her.

The theatre is packed, as expected, but their seats are thankfully empty as they struggle through hundreds of legs. Jun is apologising every once in a while whereas Lisa is more frequent than him. Eikichi’s apologies can be heard all the way from South Africa, Jun expects. Their seats are in the centre of the theatre, which is the best they can get, but not as bad as it can be. He sits in the middle, with Lisa on his right and Eikichi his left, and he lays his messenger bag flat on his lap. Gratefully, he accepts the small packet of chocolates but doesn’t open it yet. No need to, really, and he isn’t in the mood for them, so he stuffs them in his bag to remember to eat before leaving the theatre – no use in having them melt, either.

He focuses up on the large screen.

The viewing goes by smoothly for the most part, and he enjoys the movie as he always does. It is a tragedy, one set around the protagonist’s [who Tatsuya acts as] inability to move on both figuratively from his traumas and literally as he is stuck in a time loop after his death. The character struggles until he finally accepts that he must let go of his friendships and familial ties before he may pass on to the afterlife. It is a movie that Lisa appreciates far more than Eikichi does, as he is not a fan of tragedies, but he finds himself always tongue-tied when he tries to discuss the themes and events of the movie with the former. He stops trying after the third time his voice lodges itself in his throat.

They are midway through the two hour long movie at this point in time and are swiftly arriving to the scene where the antagonist is about to tell the protagonist what he needs to do to stop his own hell when Tatsuya… _disappears._

There is no other way to explain it – one moment, the scene goes perfectly, with fantastically acted lines and a beautiful, somber mood, and the next moment Tatsuya disappears. Jun’s mouth falls open, eyes widening further as the scene continues on as normal, the antagonist explaining to the ‘protagonist’ what needs be done, but Tatsuya is not the one who is there. An unrecognizable silhouette takes his place, instead. A void-black silhouette with no voice but just a long, warbling sound that replaces the dialogue from Tatsuya’s end, with no shadow– it is a darkness in the absence of light, an emptiness within the movie.

He hears Lisa gasp next to him and start rambling about how this may be an error in reel – it is not the first time a mistake in showing may happen, yet Jun cannot recall one such as this. The movie stops and is off within seconds and everyone is left to wait, with the sounds of confused chattering acting as white noise, until a different reel plays. It takes a long time, in Jun’s opinion, though anything better than to watch a ruined movie.

The ad-rolls are skipped. The movie starts up – a panning shot to establish the world, the day, everything but the main character, who is saved for last. The sounds of traffic, the chirping of birds, the rushing of water – all of those are present in the movie, all of those are perfectly fine. Everything is pristine

A silhouette lays in its bed within a dark, shaded room, with a dragging warble of a voice-over to narrate the life of the protagonist, and Jun’s mouth abruptly dries. The reel changes again some time later, but it is all the same.

Suou Tatsuya does not appear in this movie, not anymore.

“Wh – wh- what the Hell was that!?” Eikichi yells out the moment they arrive back at Lisa’s place, practically racing to get to somewhere safe, and Jun cannot bring himself to look at either of his friends. He beelines over to Lisa’s DVD and blu-ray collection instead, carefully looking through the meticulously organised shelves until he can find the movie from the theatre among them. Hovering at the front door is an uncertain Lisa. Eikichi makes his way over to the sofa and all but throws himself on it, elbows on his knees and body bending forward while his hands grasp at his dyed hair. “What the hell happened?! The fuck was that!?”

Jun keeps quiet. Lisa swallows a few times, mouth opening and closing for a while until she finally sighs and says, “I think – I think… I think this is a nightmare, and I’m gonna wake up, and we’re gonna go watch a movie, and it’s gonna be great, then we’re gonna watch another movie, and…” she goes silent. Eikichi babbles on, confusedly, about the incident in the theatre, and Lisa finally steps into her flat’s living room. She quickly taps away at her phone when she brings it out and, at the exact same time that Jun finds the movie, she loudly claims, “guys, this’s trending. Our theatre isn’t the only place this happened.”

Eikichi’s head shoots upwards. “No way, Ginko – ye’re shittin’ me, right? There’s no way.” he says.

“Look! I ain’t lying! NHK’s reporting on this if you don’t believe me, dick wad! Look!” she stomps over and jams the phone in his face. Jun grabs at the remote on the coffee table, turns the TV on, and puts the CD in Lisa’s dying blu-ray disc player while Eikichi and her start another argument. They both quiet down when the movie starts, though, and Lisa steps aside so that Eikichi may see it as well.

The introduction goes the same way it does in the theatre. Jun stops the movie. He looks down at the cover – minimalistic, with only a picture of an open door before its title and actors’ credits on the top and bottom, though something seems off – then looks back up. “Lisa is right,” he announces to the deafeningly quiet room, “this isn’t limited to our theatre.” he turns to face his friends, the remote still in hand, and he tries not to let distress show itself on his face when he says, “what could this mean? _How _could this have happened?”

Eikichi crosses his arms, leans back into the sofa, and looks off towards the balcony at his left. He stares out at the still bright sky. Lisa takes a seat right next to him and folds her hands on her knees, her legs pressing against each other and her back is ramrod straight – old habits die hard, she likes to claim whenever people point out her stiff sitting posture.

“I don’t know.” Eikichi says after a while. Lisa closes her eyes. “But whatever it is, it’s terrifying, and I don’t know what to do.”

Neither does Jun.

They all depart from one another after a few hours – Lisa and Jun cook dinner together and he gets to take the leftovers, and Eikichi helps walk him back to their shared apartment building. They say their goodbyes when Jun parts onto his floor first and heads over to his small studio flat, his head full of cotton and his tongue as heavy as a boulder. His throat tightens and constricts and he finds himself shamefully freezing up just as he is about to go to sleep early.

This cannot go on.

Through sheer force and will, Jun finally manages to go to sleep and he dreams of nothing that night.

* * *

Rumours spread, often as they are wont to do, and all of them centre around yesterday’s oddity. Teenagers gossip among themselves while they buy flowers for whoever it is they wish to woo, with Jun smiling as he helps them with choosing the bouquet arrangement. Adults come to buy flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, or a simple gift they think a loved one – platonic or romantic – will enjoy. Some of them strike up conversation with him; it is his [few] regulars who ask him about Tatsuya’s movies. He does his best to chat with them. His quaint little flower shop is unusually packed this day and Jun won’t hazard a guess as to why.

He closes early into the afternoon like normal, though he keeps the store open to finish up last-minute bouquet orders. He bids all his customers farewell, his hands folding in front of him and his smile never leaving his face. He sets his apron aside, washes his hands up, and tidies up as quickly as he can. The click of the door locking never sounds as comforting as it does now, leaving him to his devices and he gives himself some room to breathe.

The outside world surrounds him. People walk around him, bump into him while chatting on the phone, and Jun is but another face in the crowd. He runs a hand through his hair and fixes any stray hair, then reaches down into his pocket to look through his phone. There are a few texts from Eikichi and many more from Lisa, all of which are light-hearted. He replies to them on the way back up to his flat, waving at his neighbours and stopping to chat with some of the more insistent ones.

Home is where the heart may relax and Jun’s version of relaxing is typically watching some of his favourite movies. He has many, of course – but he finds himself drawn to Suou Tatsuya’s movies, even as his heart clenches at the possibility of a repeat of yesterday. Suou Tatsuya is still mysteriously gone, and what are people to make of his disappearance from yesterday’s movie? He does not keep up with the news around the actor and deliberately keeps himself in the dark.

The one he holds in his hands is a romantic-comedy; Lisa and him both enjoy this one, though Eikichi doesn’t until he gets a girlfriend and realises how truly funny the movie is. It is one where he recalls Suou Tatsuya admitting that he has never fallen in love and confesses that he is glad his first kiss is not lost in this movie. Many end up adoring him for his frankness and his unexpected innocence, and Jun isn’t ashamed to admit himself as one of those fans. Though unlike some fans, he knows better than to delude himself into thinking he will ever meet him, before or after disappearance, and become his lover.

This will hopefully take his mind off of things – not only the movie, that is the least of his problems, but of his store, his friendships, his family, of everything. He puts the movie into the player, leans back into his sofa, and watches – half-focused half-elsewhere – as the movie plays out before him. This is one of the rare few movies where Suou Tatsuya’s character is allowed to be soft and embarrassed, repeatedly shy to the love interest but very earnest.

There is a certain innocence to this movie that not many of his other ones have and Jun does find himself smiling at some of the comedic moments that Suou Tatsuya finds himself falling victim to. The movie remains unaltered through almost all of its runtime, carrying Jun farther and farther away from all of his stress.

It is just as the movie climax is about to happen, where the love interest confesses to the main character and are about to go in for an embrace that a long, wailing noise takes over. He freezes up. The slithering silhouette returns, eating away at Suou Tatsuya’s character and leaving only itself behind. It projects no shadow and its body seems to writhe and twist while it stands, unable to form a concrete shape.

The wailing noise occurs and stops whenever Suou Tatsuya’s character needs to speak, the sound so unbearably high-pitched that Jun has to clasp his hands onto his ears just to spare himself the pain when lowering the volume does not work. Peace arrives when the movie comes to an end, finally giving to Jun mercy from the high-pitched droning. He curls forward and rests his elbows on his knees, his hands still on his ears.

Closing his eyes, Jun curls up into a ball and tries not to cry over what is happening to his favourite actor’s movies. What is happening? And why?

He gets invited out, later, by Lisa so that she, Eikichi, and him can eat some fast food and talk about whatever comes to mind. He brings his book with him, just in case, and the only thing he has is coffee when he arrives there. Lisa and Eikichi order a lot of fries for them both and then some just in case Jun wants any. He appreciates it.

“Dude, things have been so weird lately.” Eikichi says after munching on some fries, his expression thoughtful and his voice quieter than usual. “I remembered this magazine I got the other day so I could read up on Aya-chan and see if she’s gotten anything lately -”

“Ugh, Eikichi,” Lisa groans, “Ueto Aya is not your friend! Stop callin’ her Aya-chan! That’s so creepy.”

“Sheesh! _Fine! _So I read it finally when I saw it again so I could keep up with my fave actress, right? I was lookin’ shit up on Ueto Aya so I could see if she’s got anythin’ comin’ up lately, an’ I ended up on a sort of like… dedication page to Suou Tatsuya, but his image was all fucked up!”

Lisa blinks. Jun looks up from his book and pinches his brows together. “What do you mean?” Jun asks when Lisa seems unable to, especially when she looks one second away from either kicking Eikichi for being crass in public or punching him in the face. In response, Eikichi reaches into his own bag and fishes through his many belongings until he finally has his crinkled magazine. Jun sets his book aside, bookmark in place, then reaches over to carefully take the offered magazine and he starts to flip through the pages.

It seems to be the usual until he gets to the page dedicated to Suou Tatsuya and he nearly drops the magazine. There, where a picture of the actor is meant to be is instead just a black smudge – yet it doesn’t look like a spill. It almost looks as if the magazine prints out this way, with the smudge taking over completely, yet the text seems untouched. Though, his name looks almost misprinted yet still recognisable.

“This is the same as the movies.” Jun exclaims and Lisa peeks over to the magazine page only to immediately flinch. “This is… this is unnatural. I doubt that the magazine was like this, initially. How is this…” he exhales shakily. “I don’t want to sound insane, but this doesn’t seem natural, does it?”

Lisa opens her mouth as if to rebuff him but hesitates the moment she does. She sinks a little into the restaurant booth, her hands coming to rest on her cheeks and then curl into fists, and she sighs. “I d’no how anyone could make printin’ mistakes like this, and like… how do you explain him just disappearing from blu-rays and DVDs? I don’t want to think this is supernatural, I don’t wanna think ‘bout what it means…”

“But there ain’t no way you can say ‘oh this was just a human mistake’, right?” Eikichi says and Lisa flinches. Jun merely continues to look at the magazine, questions popping up one after the other due to the bizarre page. “S’pecially ‘cause everyone’s gettin’ this problem, right? Not just us!”

Jun daintily closes the magazine and slides it back over to Eikichi, who stops it from falling over the edge and puts it back into his bag. Jun leans back into his seat, hand coming up to rest on his chin, and he frowns. “If it were just us and that one cinema, I would’ve been unnerved but I would be able to let it slide, yet…”

“Yet this happened in cinemas nation wide!” Lisa says. She runs her hand through her hair. “Why’s this happening, anyway? I don’t get it.” she lets out a long groan and then sinks further into her seat, her hands still in her hair. “Is it ‘cause he’s gone missing? Did he like, make a deal with the devil or something?”

_‘Could it really be because Tatsuya’s missing?’ _Jun thinks to himself while he grabs his book again, eyes vacant while Lisa and Eikichi quickly change topics. _‘What would that have to do with…’ _he sighs. Even if this is supernatural, what is he to do? What is he to do…

* * *

This day starts as any other; he wakes up early, goes to the washroom, makes a quick breakfast, and then afterwards works on his makeup. He heads down to his flower shop soon after, puts his apron on, and opens up for business. Flowers are all around him, their scents mingling together into something near indecipherable, their colours vibrant and beautiful yet not once dulling no matter how many times he has seen them.

Today promises to be a normal, productive day and it is, thankfully, not as crowded or as busy as the previous. Little children hoping to get bouquets for their mothers or fathers’ birthday come in every once in a while and Jun’s heart flutters at their kindness, so his mood lightens up considerably. The rest of the day is just him running on automatic – he sells his flowers, deals at times with obnoxious customers, and he goes through the motions with practiced ease. He smiles and nods, hands folding in front of him, and his expression gentle.

Jun breathes a heavy sigh of relief when it comes to closing time. He takes this time to go on a walk, just to enjoy the rather nice weather today. Busy people walk past him – some with lovers, some with friends, some on their own, some with family, and some on their phones. Faceless people with different expressions all filter around him on this busy day.

He passes by a little stand selling newspapers and magazines in front of a convenience store and he decides to grab one of both. In one section of the news, after Jun skims through current events and what-have-you, is a report done on the mysterious changes to media containing Suou Tatsuya. His pictures are all black smudges, turning into unrecognisable blobs, and his name always look out of place in comparison to other text. His movies are slowly beginning to erase him from existence, yet no one knows how.

The only thing keeping the actor in existence are his many fans. Jun reads the rest of the newspaper during his walk before he folds it up and holds it under his armpit. His gaze turns up to a bright, blue sky and a shining sun. Clouds float lazily, forming their own shapes here and there, and Jun stops to admire the view for but a second before he turns around to head back home.

He grabs another film to watch – a sci-fi movie that he remembers not enjoying that much but still buying the blu-ray of simply because Suou Tatsuya is in it. It, overtime, becomes a sort of guilty pleasure for him. He puts it into the player, sits back onto the sofa, and keeps his full focus on the movie after he presses play.

The opening is long and droning, though not in the way that it is when the silhouette takes over. It just drags on with a long narration by someone uninterested in the role, her voice monotone and her words fast. He waits until Tatsuya comes on screen and holds his breath with anticipation at the fifteen minute mark.

In the midst of a blue, viscous fluid, looking more like jelly than anything else, is Suou Tatsuya’s character; he lays face up within the jelly-like substance, body naked and arms around his knees. His hair seems to be frozen in place, his breathing steady, and he raises his head up towards the tall ceiling of the lab he is in and he opens his eyes. Yellow eyes stare up at nothing in particular, his chest rising and falling with slow, deep inhales and exhales. He extends an arm out and grabs on to the edge of the vat and drags himself up and out, the camera cutting to a shot of his back and just above enough so that his buttocks are not in view.

He turns his head to stare directly at the camera. Jun stiffens up.

_“Hey,” _his voice is as sweet as honey when he says that, his eyes half-lidded, and Jun’s heart leaps into his throat, “_you can hear me, can’t you?”_

Jun gasps.

The actor turns to face him and walks closer to the camera, the movie coming to an abrupt pause, and he presses his hand against the screen. Ripples follow the touch of his fingers. _“You know who I am, don’t you?” _he smiles up at Jun and drags his fingers down, a smear following the movement. _“Would you please call me Tatsuya? Please. Say my name. I want to hear it from you, before I’m gone. I want to hear it again.”_

His lips part, almost of their own volition. His voice, once lodged, now breaks free

“Ta –”

What is he doing?

“Ta… Tatsu…”

The man before him closes his eyes and curls his fingers, the image oddly serene in spite of how unexpected this all is.

“Tatsuya.”

Distortion takes over the screen quickly, a high-pitched and nonstop beeping noise follows after, and everything soon begins to flash brightly. Jun flinches and looks away then back when the eye-searing spectacle is done just to see the silhouette once more. He swallows the lump in his throat down, reaches for his phone after he shuts everything off, and then calls Eikichi just to hear his voice.

Jun doesn’t tell them what happens.

He watches a few more movies, as much as time allows him to, but Tatsuya does not turn to speak to him as he does before. He reaches out and lets his fingers linger on a paused frame of the current movie he is watching, his fingertips barely grazing over Tatsuya’s stern expression.

For a moment, Tatsuya’s eyes move to look at him. Jun turns the television off and decides to work on household chores and draws until nighttime comes and exhaustion drags him down.

* * *

Another day of going through the motions of work, though this time he has an outing with Eikishi and Miyabi to go to a large mall. The latter is sweet and polite, yet when Eikichi goes off on a tangent she reaches up and pinches his ear to make him stop. Jun chuckles at the display before him, then thanks Miyabi for inviting him along and she beams up at him and says, “Michel keeps forgetting to invite you, so I just did it myself. I hope you didn’t mind me asking for your number.”

“No, of course not.” Jun reassures and he clasps his hands behind his back. “I have been hoping to meet you and know you properly, so I am glad that you took the initiative, and I don’t doubt that Eikichi’s memory is less than reliable.”

“Hey!” Eikichi cries out. “I don’t need three different people gangin’ up on me now, c’mon guys! Ginko’s already a lot on her own, and now you and Miyabi? Don’t be like this, dude!”

Jun smiles innocuously at him and Miyabi beams up at Eikichi, hands on her hips and a big grin on her face. “Don’t be like that, you know I love you. Anyway, Jun-kun, let’s go shopping. Michel’ll be our mule.” she ignores the loud ‘HEY!’ of protest from next to them and Jun just nods.

They talk as much as possible, Eikichi staying surprisingly silent behind them – unless it is to complain about how heavy everything is of course – so that they can chat. Miyabi’s profession is that of a journalist, he learns, and she has a passion for photography – it is why she carries it around with her everywhere she goes, she claims while showing her camera off to him. He lets her keep a photo of him she takes while he is admiring this mall’s flowers. She promises to send it to him later.

“You, Michel, and Lisa-chan all were there at the theatre when the incident happened, right?” Miyabi asks when they pass by a CD shop – selling both music and DVDs/blu-rays – and Jun startles a little. “Oh – sorry, sorry, probably kinda outta nowhere, right?”

Jun brings his hand up to his lips and curls his fingers, loosely, in front of his mouth, his gaze on anywhere but Miyabi for a few moments before he looks at her to say, “well, yes. We were hoping to watch his movies in order of whose favourites go first and last, but our plans fell through because of that. May I know why you’re asking? Investigative journalism, Miyabi-san?”

“I must’ve come off like I was trying to interview you.” Miyabi says, then continues on before Jun can apologise, “no, well, somewhat yes. This is a super interesting thing to me, but it’s not really what I report on normally, y’know? I just… I was curious, I guess, and Michel tends to exaggerate.”

“Do not!” he calls out from behind them. Miyabi ignores him.

It doesn’t take long to recount what happens to her; he keeps it plain, simple and short, and Miyabi just nods her head. She looks pensive for a moment, then launches into an entirely different conversation topic that ends up inviting Eikichi back into the conversation as well.

There is a brief stab of guilt in his chest when he keeps yesterday’s incident to himself – he doesn’t know how to admit to it, doesn’t know how insane he will sound if he admits that Tatsuya may be potentially capable of speaking to others. Yet Jun hasn’t gotten a panicked call from Lisa or Eikichi, so he has no clue if either of them can talk to Tatsuya or not. The guilt doesn’t go away, even after they part and Eikichi is helping Miyabi back to her home.

His flat is dreadfully empty when he comes back, a deep-long silence filling the void of people and suffocating him as he takes a step inside. Pictures of his mother and father sit on side tables and hang on his walls, though there are more pictures of his mother and him than his father thanks to his early death. He uses these pictures as company while he cooks and sits down to eat.

As though on automatic, Jun goes through his collection again to find another movie to put in his disc player. He drags another sci-fi one out, one with a picture of Tatsuya still on it, and he swallows the lump down in his throat. Will Tatsuya speak to him again, this time? And will he be gone from this movie the moment he does so?

Jun can only hope not.

Though he isn’t sure of what to expect, the sight of Tatsuya sitting in an empty, industrial area of Neo-Tokyo with his back to him isn’t it. The movie is paused once more, right at the very first second, and Jun’s heart slams against his chest with each beat. He hears the rush of wind in the scene before him that ruffles Tatsuya’s hair and makes him look so peaceful, beautiful, even from behind. Jun takes a deep breath to gather his courage.

“Tatsuya-san?” he says. Tatsuya turns to face him, the camera moving in closer onto his face and revealing the sardonic smile on his face. Jun inhales deeply. “Are… is that really you?”

Tatsuya turns to face him completely, blue light overtaking him and his red biker suit, and Jun finds himself getting off of the sofa to move closer to the television – as if that will help him any. _“You still remember me?” _Tatsuya says in lieu of answering and Jun freezes in place. _“Will the rest of the world still remember me?” _Tatsuya asks. _“Even though I’m leaving, one by one. Even though I’m leaving you behind again.”_

Jun’s eyes widen when Tatsuya reaches into his suit and brings out a silver lighter, one that has English writing on it when the camera zooms in on it. His tongue is as heavy as cotton and doesn’t move, doesn’t allow him to speak, no matter how desperately he wants to. A voice in the back of his head screams. His entire world freezes and focuses in on that lighter.

He flicks it open and close again, never once bothering to light it up. It clicks with each movement. The framing moves back to allow Jun to see Tatsuya once more, to see the expression on his face – and how his heart seizes up at the unusual look on the man’s face, to see his heart watery and his smile wavering. _“Life’s not a movie,” _Tatsuya says, _“even though it has an ending like one. This’ll all end one day, won’t it? Just like how I’m disappearing.”_

“Tatsuya-san,” Jun tries again, even if his voice sounds broken and weak, “what’s happening to you? What’s going on?”

He flicks the lighter open. _“I’m leaving, like I always wanted to. But leaving means remembering, and no one ever realises that.”_

“Where did you get that lighter?”

It flicks shut. Tatsuya does not answer.

Jun takes a deep breath. “Why?” he manages out finally, when all other questions fail him. He doesn’t mean to let free all his emotions in that one word, but his heart is aching and his eyes focus only on that lighter. The very same lighter he loses years ago, when he is only eight years old with a living father and a mother who still loves him. “Why?” he asks again.

Tatsuya flicks the lighter open, parts his lips and looks into Jun’s eyes when he says, _“I’ll miss you, for the rest of my life. Every single time. I never seem to find you again.”_

And just like that, the scene is gone and the movie starts anew. It goes on as normal and Jun stares and stares and stares until the silhouette finally appears. He turns the television off and goes to bed.

* * *

Today’s start is a sluggish one, though one that is Jun’s own fault. He is unable to sleep until early in the morning, and even then he has to wake up at the same time as usual to be able to get to work on time. His smile is a bit weaker today, yet thankfully no one cottons onto it. He takes a little longer with work, much longer than he likes, and often has a difficulty responding to anyone in time. He sends off a message to his friends on a slow period to let them know he won’t be able to come to meet them today and then puts his phone away for the rest of his work hours.

The shop closes a little earlier than usual and his phone is full of concerned messages, inquiring as to why he feels sick and if he needs any help, and Jun lets them know that he is merely tired from lack of sleep. He doesn’t answer them for another few hours when he lets himself curl onto his futon and simply sleep after washing his makeup off, or at the very least tries to. His mind is full of thoughts of Tatsuya and what he reveals to him, of the lighter in his hands, and the somber expression on his face. Sleep does not come to him, no matter how desperately his body requires it.

His mind keeps him awake and hunger forces him up.

Will Tatsuya speak to him again today? It is finally his birthday and the day which marks his one year disappearance. He splashes some cold water on his face to force himself awake. There is one movie he wishes to watch – one he is unsure of will stay or not if he talks to him again, but it is a risk he must take. His fingers linger on the side of it, his hand trembles for a scant second, and it takes far too long for him to pull it out of its spot on his shelf.

He stares at the cover of the blu-ray in his hands; it is one of Tatsuya bound in chains and his face hidden away in the palm of his scratched, injured hands. Another image of him is present right above him, though thorny chains wrap around the body of the fake and tear at his clothes, his skin; the fake’s eyes are wide open and peeking out from in between his fingers, a menacing grin somewhat obscured by his palms and he stares up at the viewer. Unlike Tatsuya’s warm eyes, this fake’s is a striking yellow that stands out sharply against his ghastly pallor.

The movie he holds in his hands is his most favourite, the one at the top of the list… and one with controversies around it. The movie is striking in its usage of surreal imagery and has an almost optimistically nihilistic view of humanity; the ending is tragic and final however, a climax that gives room for no sequels or hope. It is a divisive finale that spits on the protagonist’s [Tatsuya’s] ideals and where many either hate or love the ending.

He recalls reading online that many love the movie _in spite _of the ending. There are others who spend every waking moment trying to analyse the ending to figure out why it is that the world ends in that movie and why it is that the guiding spirit gives the protagonist no means as to fix the ‘mistake’ that leads to it. There are some who say the movie is worse for the ending. Yet, Jun finds a certain beauty in how positivity brings ruination to the protagonist – it isn’t an ending he will like in any other circumstance, yet the serenity in Tatsuya’s expression as the world comes to a silent end brings ease to Jun’s heart.

The protagonist’s struggle throughout is what drags him in initially: it is a tale of a young man being punished for an action not of his fault, of a ‘crime’ done by naïve children who deserve better than what they are given, and of growth forced too quickly onto high school graduates. He supposes that, to him, the most beautiful part of the movie is humanity’s determination and love of others being acknowledged as strength by the crawling chaos only for it to end the world regardless.

A surety that the fight to live is the beauty of existing, even if it fails in the face of an uncaring cosmic destroyer.

He puts the movie into the player and presses play. All goes as expected; all of the characters group up together after an odd event happens before them and the fake-villain reveals himself as ‘a granter of wishes.’ They all form together, hoping to fight off this inexplicable being, and powers are bestowed upon them by a spiritual guide who wishes to aid them. No matter how many times he watches this, knowing the fates of the characters will always cause his eyes to gloss over with unshed tears.

In that way, Jun is far too emotional. He huffs in amusement while wiping stray tears away and continues watching, half-enjoying the movie and half-anticipating a new scene at any moment.

It is around the third arc of the movie that it happens. In a scene initially meant to be an action scene, Tatsuya’s character runs forward to fight one of the antagonist’s lackeys in the movie and the shot of him changes to one of a side view. The expression of anger on his face is gone and replaced with a pensive one as he runs through the same scene, over and over again, the background never once changing and Tatsuya never once reaching his destination.

_“This will be the last day we talk to each other.” _Tatsuya says, his voice soft and quiet as if to try and hide the truth from Jun. _“No – I’m not sure of that. There are still many other pieces of media with me in them – pictures, artwork, movies, videos, TV shows… cameos, minor or major characters… I still have a long way to go before I’m gone forever.”_

A musical piece he doesn’t recognise begins to play – a terribly depressing one that feels laced with regret, of a heart broken and love murdered. He presses his hand against his mouth and tries to bite back the sob that wants to break free, even if he knows not the reason of his sadness. “Why are you leaving?” he says, having to force each word out as the desire to cry turns speech into a burden. “Why…”

He swallows. Tatsuya’s expression continues to face forward as he continues to run, his hair waving and flying about in the wind. _“I want to be forgotten.” _he says. _“I wanted people to stop looking at me.” _the scenery around him changes; objects begin to appear in the foreground and obfuscates Jun’s view of him. _“Everyone could always see me. They talked like they knew me.” _the objects in the foreground increase in numbers until seeing Tatsuya is a challenge in and of itself, one that makes Jun’s eyes hurt from the strain. _“I wanted to get away._

_“But to leave is to remember, and no one tells you that.”_

The camera comes to a stop, and so does Tatsuya. He sees only a little of Tatsuya from the jungle of broken debris and jagged spikes that hide him away. “Why are you hiding?” Jun says while he gets closer to the television again, his mind on high alert, and his heart clenching tight in his chest. “What are you remembering? And… will you still speak to me? Even after today is over?”

Tatsuya looks away from him, yet he hears the telltale click of a lighter opening up. _“Will you remember me, still?” _Tatsuya says, more than asks. _“Even when my face is gone, and I don’t exist anymore? I’m not coming back after this. There is a lot of things I’ve left undone, but now I’ll never finish them.”_

Jun places his fingers upon his television screen and tries not to jerk away in surprise when the foreground objects all retreat into the ground with a groaning, creaking noise. Tatsuya’s free hand clenches into a tight fist and he clicks the lighter shut before he looks over at him. His gaze is lost, uncertain, and his lips curl into a small frown. He hesitates, takes a deep breath, and then begins his way over to Jun – one step at a time, slowly, and he holds his breath as Tatsuya approaches him.

It is when he gets closer that he removes his watch, his gaze on the ground while he does so, and he looks up only to place his palm flat against where Jun’s hand is. He flattens his own palm against the screen and he swears he can feel the warmth of another palm against his. Tatsuya’s gaze is despondent, hopeless in a way he has never seen before, and Jun’s breathing is shaky from the raw emotion on display.

_“I’ll… I’ll try harder. From now on, I’ll try harder. I’ll try to remember you. I’ll try never to forget, to always keep you in mind, so that we can meet and…” _he curls the palm against Jun’s into a fist. He can almost feel the way his knuckles dig into his palm. _“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never seem to find you. I’m sorry I always leave you behind. That’s what happens, isn’t it? I always leave you behind.” _tears slide down Tatsuya’s cheeks and Jun gasps.

_“Tomorrow, you’ll… you’ll have my watch with you. Please, please keep it. Please, remember me, even if everyone else forgets.” _Tatsuya says shakily.

Jun closes his eyes and tries to steel himself, to regain his composure, and he opens his eyes with a firm resolve set in stone. “I don’t know what any of this means, and perhaps I shall know by tomorrow. But – Tatsuya-san… there will be many who will not forget you, who will always remember you. I will be one of them. I promise to you, I will not forget, I will not let go.”

Tatsuya gives him a wide, gorgeous smile stained by tears. He uncurls his hand and presses harder against the screen, as if in protest, then he looks down and backs away. It is with his back to Jun that Tatsuya says, with a shaky voice and yet an undying, burning passion that shocks Jun, _“I love you, Jun.”_

As it has been every other time, Tatsuya is gone and the silhouette takes his place. There is no wailing, no high-pitched drone, and only silence rings golden.

The screen goes black as he turns the player and television off.

* * *

A package arrives for him the next day. It is a box where the sender is Suou Tatsuya, though the deliveryman does not assume it to be the actor. A watch he has never seen him wear is inside the package and it looks like an old-model, one from years and years ago and one that his father may buy for himself in his younger years. Hidden underneath it is his old lighter with the English writing etched into it.

Tears come, unbidden and unwanted, and trail down his cheeks as he puts the watch on. It fits perfectly.

He never tells anyone of his conversations with Tatsuya and dodges the questions when Eikichi and Lisa want to know where the watch comes from. Each day after Tatsuya’s birthday carries on as expected – he disappears, more and more from everything he ever appears in, but he does not disappear from the drawings that Jun does for himself.

His watch rests permanent on Jun’s wrist even as he proceeds to disappear from the rest of the world.

And as Jun promises, he does not forget.

Not again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in finding me, [My carrd](https://theladyprince.carrd.co/) has all of my social media links.


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